Machiavelli:
Gentlemen, today we discuss America’s latest moves: banning TikTok, taxing the dragon, and fortifying the dollar against the BRICS alliance. Is this how one builds an empire… without looking like one?

Sun Tzu (calmly):
The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.
But if you ban his flute while dancing to his melody, you have not won—you have performed.

Clausewitz (lighting cigarette):
Cute. But war is friction, not feng shui. The battlefield is chaotic, messy, and smells like burned subsidies. Trump isn’t trying to hide empire. He’s trying to rebrand it as a loyalty program.

Sun Tzu:
He is reactive. He mimics the fire, but not the flame.
True dominance is silent. China offers loans with smiles. America offers threats with slogans.

Clausewitz:
At least slogans mobilize the masses.
Have you ever tried to rally Midwest farmers with serenity?

Machiavelli (grinning):
Slogans are useful. So is fear. But Carl, my fox-hearted friend, what of TikTok?
Isn’t banning it simply a velvet invasion of sovereignty disguised as defense?

Clausewitz:
If you don’t control your enemy’s information architecture, he controls your battlefield before you mobilize. TikTok isn’t an app. It’s reconnaissance.

Sun Tzu:
Then counter with elegance. Out-influence him. Do not burn the theater—perform a better opera.

Clausewitz:
That’s poetic. And stupid. The enemy’s opera has nuclear sponsors.

Sun Tzu (smiling):
Then win with silence.

Clausewitz:
Win with tariffs, bans, and blockades.

Machiavelli:
Or win with both. Ban the enemy, but blame the user.
Turn control into safety. Turn nationalism into branding.

—

[Closing Theme: Remix of “The Art of War” in dubstep.]

Machiavelli:
Next week on The Strategy Table:
“Should your empire come with a subscription plan?”
Featuring Alexander the Great and Jeff Bezos.

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